Husbands have a lot on their plate. They work full time. They have home responsibilities. They take time with the kids. They fix the cars. They vacuum and cook when in a pinch. They wear many hats! They need just as much encouragement and support as we wives do – maybe even more!
I asked my husband what he needs in the way of support. And these are his answers on how to support your husband!
1. Listen when I talk.
When we were dating our husbands to be, we listened to them talk about their profession, their dreams, their opinions, their day, everything! But the longer we are married, the more we take each other for granted. The less we listen. The more entrenched in our busy lives we get, the less attention is given to the one we love the most.
It takes work to keep marriages alive! Showing support to your husband is no different. They need to feel important and validated. They may not get this at their workplace. They must get it in their home – their castle! It can do amazing things if a husband feels like a king in his own home. It will translate over to other parts of his life.
If we wives don’t make an effort to listen when our husbands speak, they will find someone who will listen. It tears them down to think that wives don’t care about their thoughts, ideas, dreams, opinions, etc. They need the validation that someone truly cares and supports them!
2. Give praise.
I think husbands must feel like oafs sometimes. With all our scolding, correction and rebuke, it’s a wonder husbands still have an ego! We wives clean and organize the home and when Hubby puts something in the “wrong” place, we correct. We are the experts on our babies and children, and when Hubby does something “wrong”, we rebuke. With all of this negativity, it doesn’t leave much room for praise.
Husbands need praise! They need to feel and know that they are doing a good job with the kids, with their job, and with their attention to us. It never hurts to praise! They have fragile hearts and egos that need to be built up. We are the best person to do this because we are the ones who love them most!
3. Say loving things.
This is an area that I am CONSTANTLY working on. I have a matter-of-fact, task oriented attitude. I oftentimes am so busy getting things done and accomplished that I fail to say things in a loving way. But husbands still like the sap. They need it!
Oftentimes Hubby lets me know when I need to say something in a nicer tone or fashion. I’m grateful for his direction because I don’t always see the error of my talking to him. Before I ask him to do something or bring up a touchy subject or talk about an issue that has upset me, I weigh my words. You do catch more flies with honey. And I have to work hard to make sure my words are honey!
Loving words upon his arrival home, when he reaches a goal, when he is helpful, etc. are usually easier for me. They’re more natural. I saw my mother treat my dad lovingly in this way and I viewed it as a “normal” occurrence. I understand now that some marriages are devoid of it. But Hubby does need it because he can be just as fragile as I can be sometimes. And with all of his hard work for me and the family, he deserves it!
4. Give attention when I come home.
It is more important for me to show Hubby love upon his arrival home, than for me to have dinner on the table. I didn’t always think this way – not until Hubby told me it was what he preferred. With my task-oriented personality, I assumed Hubby would appreciate the hot meal ready to go more than he would a kiss and a hug. At least that’s what I would prefer. But Hubby’s had a hard day at work, battling people, traffic, conflict and life! His home is his haven and castle! And he wants validation when he walks in the door.
I’m about to have my first child so I don’t know the difficulties yet of managing multiple children at the same time Hubby is due home. But I do know that I will make it a priority to kiss and hug him when he walks in at least.
I also make sure to ask Hubby about his day. Usually this can be done while finishing dinner or cleaning up the house. But my interest in him and his day makes him feel important to me. You know, Hubbies don’t always know how important they are to wives unless we tell or show them!